Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
