went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
