i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
