Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
