i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need to align my fucking chakras
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
