I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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