I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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