In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
