Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
