i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
