You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
