We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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