I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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