I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
