just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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