question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
