My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
