So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
