i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
