Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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