Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
