"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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