My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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