Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize