He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
