Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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