VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
