Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
