It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Jerry, you need to find god
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
