Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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