Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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