I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
