It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
