I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
