Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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