I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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