he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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