so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
