Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
