So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize