Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i dont even know how to be here
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
