Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
