i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
