Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
