u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i think im in europe. pls send help
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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