is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
