First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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