So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize