It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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