you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize