This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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