Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
