I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
