Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
