Just cropdusted the office
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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