i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
