Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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