Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
