whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
