I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
