She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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