Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
