you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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