I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize