Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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