How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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