respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
