i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
