I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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