1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize