we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
