Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
