Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
