You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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