i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
