You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
