I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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