I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
