Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
