you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
