I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My bed smells like the plague
He shit in the fireplace
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
