i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is Oprah even human
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
