cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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